I haven’t had my nails, hair, or eyebrows done since roughly April/May. I’m feeling pretty much like a giant bum these days. I think possibly next weekend I’m going to treat myself to a mommy away day and enjoy being pampered with a PSL in hand and no babies to worry about.
I also want to apologize for everyone that follows me solely based on my prior weightloss and some what fitblr status (which was mostly being a shitblr). I keep seeing notes getting added to one of my transformation photos and it kind of makes me cringe because I haven’t really been on the up and up with my fitness posts whatsoever. I’ve really been struggling with keeping my prior ED tamed and this awesome crop up of depression and its really been making pregnancy motivation difficult for me. I’d rather just put it out there like it is rather than try and fake sugar coat it because sometimes life just sucks and you deal with it without a smile on your face.
There are days where the only reason I get out of bed are to make sure my ladies are taken care of and happy. On those days I have to talk myself into taking a shower because I’d literally rather just sit and stare at a wall. I’ve been here before and I know it’ll eventually go away, but its been probably ten years since it was this bad and then I wasn’t pregnant and the only responsibility I had was going to two jobs and school…taking care of children is infinitely harder because at work they didn’t care if I was an unsmiling bitch all day (well they probably did but knew better than to say it to my face) and I think my kids deserve more.
Sometimes I wonder if the “Fake it til you make it” would work for me in my current situation. I wonder if I started posting my stats at the end of the day, or my food again, would motivate me more or if it would just stress me out. I do feel that being honest about my struggles are the best approach overall but I think I may try to start posting more than just depression rants and random life things. I was doing a lot better disorder wise when I was focusing on those posts here, having support from friends, so I think I’m going to make this more of a priority again and see if it helps.